Stop, you’re doing therapy wrong.
…but is there a right way?
Therapy is often suggested as a default solution to trauma. It’s as if therapy alone will instantly be a solution. This has led to many having unrealistic expectations when receiving therapeutic care. One is that solely being in attendance at a therapy session will be effective. One should take into consideration other factors such as the work done outside of therapy, the work that goes into finding a therapist and having the ability to determine why you’re seeking therapy.
To attend therapy and expect your attendance alone will create change is not a good expectation to have when starting therapy. It’s the work that takes place outside of your session that will lead to breakthrough. It requires applying the skills and committing to doing the tasks suggested by the mental health professional. These tasks can include reading a book, journaling, or a specific assignment. These things can allow one to gain further understanding of these issues they are seeking help with. This work can also serve as a reminder that we all have the ability to resolve our issues, rather than relying only on another person. “Doing the work” is vital to reaching a breakthrough, and it’s why one should be committed to doing so in addition to attending therapy sessions.
Another factor that many may not take into consideration when starting therapy, is the overall process of finding a therapist. Whew, finding a therapist is not fun. It’s an annoying process that can deter one from seeking therapy altogether. Utilizing the free time you have in your day to search through sites, reading reviews, and attending intake appointments, can be exhausting. Getting suggestions from people you know may be more helpful; but you still have to do your due diligence and find out if they accept your insurance, are accepting new patients, or just simply a good fit for you. Sometimes this can take months. It could also mean starting with one therapist and realizing you need to find a new one shortly after. For many people it has even been rare to find your fit on the first try. Jumping in therapy and not knowing all of this, can be discouraging. Being aware of this normal search process will allow one to be more prepared when finding the mental health professional suitable for them.
Therapy is great when you know exactly what you want help with and when you’re able to communicate that. Sometimes we know help is needed but we may not have the words to describe what is needed. Whether it is to help with processing a certain life event, skills for speaking up for yourself, or needing tools for life transitions, pinpointing the need may lead to better therapy. I think too many of us go into therapy without knowing why and I just wonder if that leads to an unideal outcome. Having a good therapist will leave room for unpacking the hidden gems nonetheless. It’s understandable though that at times we really do not know why we’re seeking these services, which then leave these gems hidden. So taking time to reflect on what you think you need help with before starting therapy can bring on a more fulfilling experience.
Whether doing therapy “wrong” or “right”, I’d like to still believe it is beneficial either way. Regardless of where anyone finds themselves along the journey to receiving therapy, they should keep in mind that having realistic expectations, finding a suitable therapist, and having an idea of why they’re seeking therapy, has the potential to enhance the overall experience.
